August 5th, 2009, 10:28 PM
Script of New Episode of YCDTOTV Part 3
INT. - LINK SET - DAY
Alasdair and Nikki are sitting on the link set. Frankie walks up with a pile of papers in his hand with Mikey close behind him.
ALASDAIR: What's that, Frankie?
FRANKIE (smiling): Great news! This is our new script!
MIKEY: It took us a while to get it out of the Boss's hands, but he eventually gave in.
NIKKI: You must be pretty persuasive to do that!
MIKEY: I try. It's the least I can do for the show.
ALASDAIR (reading the script): Wow, this stuff is great! How did... wait. Mikey, you want to do something for the show?
MIKEY: Why not? I'm here aren't I?
ALASDAIR: Wait a minute. Either you really have a new look on things, or...
ALL: It's just the introduction to the opposites.
NIKKI: They should have put a musical jingle to that by now.
INT. - CLASSROOM - EVENING
Alasdair, Frankie, Nikki, and Mikey are all sitting at their desks writing. There is a new face in the classroom, a young woman about 26, with fair blonde hair and loose-fitting clothes. She's just waking up as the TEACHER is slamming his pointer on the desk.
TEACHER: All right, class. Settle down. Settle down.
The class looks up at the teacher, slightly confused.
TEACHER: It is now time to learn about the Future. Can anyone tell me what the future is?
The young woman raises her hand in the far back.
LISA, from the old cast, lifts her head.
LISA (sleepily): The future is what goes on outside of this show.
TEACHER: That's right. Now, as the students, it is your responsibility to stay in the past. After all, there's no real future for any of you anymore. You're all washed up. You ruined your chances at success by being outcast by society. And so, here you are to remind others of how successful they really are.
FRANKIE: That is not right, sir! We're just as good as anyone else, old or new. Who are you to tell us that our future holds nothing new and exciting?
The classmates all agree with Frankie as the teacher stands up.
TEACHER: I am the teacher! This means I show you the real meaning of life. And for you, Frankie...
The teacher grabs Frankie by his ear and pulls him up to his feet.
TEACHER (CONT'D): Your future is in detention!
ALASDAIR: We'll see him again... in about twenty years.
NIKKI: Yeah, maybe he'll have learned that his future is right here and not in the real world.
LISA: Wait... I'm not in the real world?
ALASDAIR: No, Lisa. You're still here.
LISA: Oh, no. I... I'm stuck here!
Lisa starts to cry with slight dramatic effect. Alasdair goes to comfort his old friend with the others following, offering sympathy.
TEACHER: Where does the School Board find them and why am I still stuck here with them?
INT. - BEDROOM - DAY
Mikey and Nikki are lying on the bed doing term papers. Their mother, VALERIE, comes in to check on them carrying a plate of cookies.
VALERIE: OK, kids. Here you are. Some fresh-baked cookies!
Mikey lights up immediately and snatches a cookie off the plate.
MIKEY: Thanks, Mom. You're the best mother there is.
VALERIE (slightly bashful): Oh, Mikey. It's no wonder that you're my favorite of all my children.
Mikey smiles toothlessly as he chews the soft cookie. Nikki, however, looks slightly upset.
NIKKI: Wait a minute. How come he gets to be the favorite? Didn't you have... like... four hundred children years ago?
VALERIE: Well, yes, Nikki, that's very true. The only exception is that I didn't have Mikey back then. It's why he's my favorite.
NIKKI (frowning): I knew I should have applied for that soap opera instead.
INT. - LINK SET - END OF OPPOSITE SKETCHES
Alasdair and Lisa are sitting on the link set, facing each other.
ALASDAIR: What is it, Lisa?
LISA: I couldn't help but notice... there's been some changes around here.
ALASDAIR: There should be. This show has been off the air for about twenty years.
LISA: That's not what I mean. I mean, there's Mikey, Nikki, and Frankie now, right? Ross, Barth, they're both gone. Even the principal and teacher have changed. What about us? What happened to us?
Boss comes in from off stage holding a clipboard in his hand.
BOSS: I can help you there, Lisa. Here.
Boss hands Lisa a clipboard. On it is a stack of paper that Lisa reads with horror on her face.
LISA: But, Boss... this is...
BOSS: Your contract, yes. It clearly states for the both of you. The very instant you are slimed three times, you become part of the show forever. You two are permanent parts to this show and, well... that means you can't leave.
Mikey walks in from the opposite side of where Boss came in. He seems chipper, but something is on his mind. He sits down in between Alasdair and Lisa.
MIKEY: Hey, guys.
ALASDAIR & LISA: Hi, Mikey.
LISA: Look, Mikey, I know we just met, but I want you to know how happy I am that you're here. I mean, there's so much that's happened out there in the real world and, well, we've been left behind in it so... I'm kind of hoping that you'll be able to tell us about it.
MIKEY: Well, I'd be happy to tell you all about it.
LISA: That's great because, well, Alasdair and I haven't seen each other in quite some time and it's just a real coincidence that when you show up, everything seems to brighten up again and oh... I'm just so happy that you're here now. I just can't get over...
Lisa continues to talk incessantly without really taking a breath. Mikey is a little dumbfounded that Lisa can be so long winded. He looks at Alasdair who just shrugs.
BOSS: Hey, hey, hey. We've got a show to do here. Now, can we please get on with it?
Boss starts to walk off the link set as he and Lisa continue.
BOSS: Now, I want you to take up from the cue card... when Lisa stops talking.
Lisa looks at Boss, a little hurt.
ALASDAIR: Well, we know some things never change.
MIKEY: Yeah, I have to admit that you do get a lot of lines, Lisa. Not to be rude, but I've talked with other people and we don't know if there's a way to...
Mikey, Alasdair, and Lisa all get slimed. Mikey is struck dumb while Alasdair and Lisa just smile slightly and nod while the slime finishes.
MIKEY: It even works as a plural form of the word?
BOSS (off camera): Those are the rules, Mikey.
Mikey just hangs his head while Alasdair and Lisa comfort him in understanding.
INT. - DINING ROOM - EVENING
Valerie and Frankie are sitting at the table. There is a large chicken in the middle with roasted potatoes and a bubbling drink. Frankie looks at the drink and can't seem to keep his eyes off of it.
VALERIE: Frankie, dear... what is it?
FRANKIE: What's this in the glass?
VALERIE: Well, that's something new to my recipe book. It's supposed to make a person look at old things and think of new ways of using them.
Frankie sips the drink reluctantly. He seems to like it and drinks down half of the glass.
FRANKIE: Wow, Mom. This stuff is delicious! It tastes funny, though.
VALERIE: What do you mean, honey?
FRANKIE: I don't know, but I think...
Frankie gets slimed. Valerie leans out of the way to avoid the splash. Frankie just seems to sit there, stunned.
VALERIE: Well, that's certainly a new way of ruining dinner. So, we'll use the old-fashioned method of you cleaning the table. I want this room spotless by bedtime, young man.
Frankie tries to protest, but Valerie walks out.
FRANKIE: Well, what am I supposed to use, Mom?
VALERIE (out of shot): Your napkin. What else?
Frankie holds up his slime-coated napkin and looks sad.
July 3rd, 2010, 11:09 PM
I am really great full to you, SlimLoky. I am searching for the script of YCDTOTV.
October 9th, 2013, 12:30 AM
You take a look at kids' television today, and it's amazing that this show saw the light of day. Consider the following aspects of "You Can't Do That On Television"....
- Kids are chained up and put in front of a firing squad in a third world country. They usually trick their captor into getting shot himself, but occasionally the kids themselves end up being fired upon. Today, the show would be criticized for depicting violence against children, as well as perpetuating negative stereotypes against foreigners.
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